Thursday, February 24, 2011

Not that I need 2 of me...I just need help!

So, it's not that I'm so completely awesome that I feel like the world just has to have another one of me in, that's not it at all. Rather, it's that I have so freaking much to do, and I feel like I never get enough done and I keep falling farther and farther behind. I can't get out of the hole I've managed to fall into and it's getting deeper and deeper - I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the point.

I'm a mom to 5 beautiful, awesome, rotten, demanding, wonderful, challenging, funny children. My oldest became a teenager (yep, the dreaded 13) in December. My youngest turned 1 a month ago. What the he** was I thinking! You would think this would all balance out. Of course, my oldest wants pretty much nothing to do with me, and the youngest wants all of my what's the problem? Maybe it's the demands of the 3 middle children. Maybe it's feeling like I'm not ready to "step out" of my oldest child's life just yet. Maybe it's that I need 30 seconds a day just to myself - I know, the horror of even thinking that. My wonderful husband, who goes to a job that he's not completely appreciated at, but he doesn't totally hate, comes home in the evening and can't seem to figure out why I appear to be tired, angry (sometimes), completely burnt out. I've tried to explain it to him, but he just doesn't get it.

Did I mention that I e-school (that's school at home with an online curriculum) two of my children? The oldest goes to public school, but the next two in line - a 2nd grader and a kindergartener - stay home to do their schooling. So, the baby needs my attention all of the time, except for the 10 or 15 minutes a day (it seems like) when she naps. The two older ones need me to teach them and the 3-year old seems to wander around, somewhat aimlessly, wishing I would spend some time with her too. If only there were another one of me, the extra me could hold the baby and play with the 3-year old while I do school with the boys. Or, the extra me could do the schooling (that would be better, then she could listen to them complain when I say it's time to practice our writing skills) and I could play with the 2 girls. And, maybe with all of my extra time, I could find a few moments to harrass - I mean bond with my oldest son. I'm sure he would not vote for that, but if we could spend time together that was meaningful, maybe he would see that I'm not so horrible. Sounds like a to execute it.

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